Ahhh, ex! Fortunately, there are more pleasant than others. But the point of living in the same triplex? This is the project - a little crazy, we must admit! - that have begun 12 years ago Julie and Frederick. And they would do it again! How is it possible ? They tell him.
The opinion of the psychiatrist
You do not think you would be able to live like Julie and Frederick? Do not worry, it's quite normal, after François St Father, psychologist specializing in couples therapy and family mediator.
"It's very rare that a separating couple can live so close, he says without hesitation. This presupposes that people have not encountered too much during separation and both live quite well with the fact that the couple's relationship is over. But generally, there's one that went further than the other in the process of separation. "
It's even harder when the two new life with someone else.
"Because it is the ultimate consecration of separation, says the psychologist. Then, when you live in the same building, one is witness stuff. As if her ex, who was accused of not being loving, is now with his new wife. "
The proximity to the former spouse can also greatly complicate the search for a new lover who may not be too thrilled to enter into this particular family situation.
"Even if there is not too baffles, it is complicated for new lovers may find that the chemistry between the former spouses is too large, he said. Or they may find it difficult to regularly hear family shared memories of the time they were not yet present. Living in such proximity presupposes that the new joint is very strong not to feel threatened by the presence of the former. "
Fortunately, children can be quite happy in another formula.
"Obviously this is easier if the children can continue to live in the same environment after separation, says Father François St. But it's better to avoid living so close if it is to expose children to the daily tensions between the parents. The most important is that adults live in relative harmony to be willing to be good parents, available for their children. "
What the notary suggest you to survive financially separation
1-Perform the division of joint property
"When we split up, everyone leaves with part of the property they had purchased together, so plan the purchase of several basic things, such as furniture and maybe even a car," says Sophie Ducharme lawyer, financial planner and vice president at the National Bank.
"We must not underestimate this new spending, she says. Do not forget to review and share joint accounts. "
2. Review all important documents
"Testament mandate of incapacity, chequing: everything must be reviewed in case of separation, said Sophie Ducharme. Do not forget to remove her ex as another user of his credit card for example. "
3- Provide an undivided co-ownership agreement?
If you decide, as Julie and Frederick, to continue to live in the same building after separation, be sure to sign an undivided co-ownership agreement.
"This agreement oversees many situations, such as if one of them is ever to sell his share of the triplex, or resume a floor, or remortgage, said Sophie Ducharme. In addition, there including how plans will be used and how public areas will be managed the general expenses of the building. "
4. Reassess the expenses related to its new home (removal, installation and running costs)
"When going to live alone, we can not share all the current expenditure linked to the residence, said Sophie Ducharme. It must therefore repeat its budget, as boring as that may be! "
5- Provide more expenses for outings
"When single tomb must be provided in the budget that will certainly be in the restaurant, theater, cinema, etc.," said Sophie Ducharme.
Who said that the single life had to be boring?
The version of the couple
What is the key to success in the history of Julie and Frederick? They took their time!When Julie and Frederick realized that their relationship would not, they waited before informing their daughters 2 and 4 years.
"We were leaving our turn each of the triplex and the girls were too young to be aware of something, says Julie that is educational advisor at primary. Several months later, I took an apartment and we told them. "
Reliving the triplex with conditions
It was not until two years later that the ex discussed the Julie back in the triplex.
"We decided to try one and if problems arise, we always had the option to sell the triplex" says Frederick
A rule was introduced for this test year: no new spouse who moved into the triplex!
Extended family
The family situation unusual Julie and Frederick did not prevent the construction of new solid couples and make everyone a baby! The new spouses were around them for a long time and were able to deal with the nearby former.
"The four children themselves as brothers and sisters." Says Julie.